And so the believers..

And so the believers gave themselves to the study of the scripture, fellowship, breaking of bread and prayer. (Paraphrased)

I remember how much Jaya used to stressed on this particular verse in Acts 2:42 when he spoke from the pulpit many years ago. And I often thought, why does he has to always repeat this verse? So much so that it was and still is, stuck with me. I havent been faithful in prayer meetings and bible study in church, although I do get feeding from BSF. And I couldnt see how this verse could be that..applicable in my life. I reasoned that I have other fellow brethren to fellowship with etc etc. And strangely, (I believe this is the Lord's doing), this verse came to life during camp recently. The theme for the AFC 2011 was "Issues facing Christians today; church, family, work and country" and Esther 4:14 was taken as the main verse. And when Uncle Wong took on the topic Family, I had little expectations. But he drew our attention to a picture of a tree, where it draws its nutrients and essential feeding from the ground through its roots. And it has to go deep in the ground for water and the deeper the roots go, the stronger it becomes and the better fruits it bears. And so, he compares this tree to a Christian. Our journey starts when the Sower sows the seeds and seeds that fall on good ground, grow. It gets water and essential elements from the nature and grow. Christians feed on the Word of God, taught by the Holy Spirit and grows and bear fruits. Other elements essential to us is fellowship among brethren. We cannot stay at the surface and expect to grow..we have to go deep into the Word and allow the Holy Spirit to work. This picture of a tree also represents the family of God. To root strongly, you need the encouragement and support of fellow brethren. And while listening to this, Acts 2:42 came to mind. And then, it struck me. What have I been mssing all these years? Yes, sometimes grudges can overwhelm so much that it blurred our vision to see through them but that is also allowing space to the evil one to attack. Perhaps one of the biggest lie is that we can survive on our own without being among the brethren.

And so, the believers gave themselves to the study of the Word, fellowship, breaking of bread and prayer.

These 4 pillars of a Christian are something that fellow believers can only share with another fellow believer. We cannot do this with a non-believer because they would not appreciate or understand these. After all, the bible did say we are a peculiar lot.

What Defines Me

I've been taught to pray for my future husband since young, since we started having sessions of buds unfolding or the no-entry-gardens in church. But often, I do not know what to pray or how to pray. I often asked if I should pray for a specific person or in general and hopes that he will just appear in front of me? And of course, they were not answered in the ways I had hoped them to be. To complicate matter, someone once told me that sometimes God doesnt just send a specific person. He has a few and would see how we choose. Gracious..those were my most confusing period. And i gave up praying eventually because I remember praying for someone and nothing happened. Now, how do God answer prayers like this?
I also used to think that my defining factors depend on who I marry, because ultimately, I want to be a wife and a mother. Which means, I cant live my life properly until that man comes. Looking back, that was not the desire of our Lord and no wonder He kept silent in answering me. What defines me should be Christ. Afterall, I'm a child of God first and foremost. I had always thought that my life and issues would be straighten out once I get married, because then I dont have to struggle with finding time to do God's work at church and spending time with my family. I would then have time for everything I should do as a Christian. How off-skewed is that.
No, if I struggle to find time to serve in church and finding time to spend with my family, I will still have the same problem even when I have family of my own. And I suspect it will be worse off. So, when people say Heaven begins on earth, it also means, living your Christian life begins now on earth, whether you are single or married. And God forbit I should compartmentalize my life to moments with God and moments without. This is me, and it comes in a package. God didnt just send His Son to die for my Mondays and let me live as how I want to on Tuesdays or in any other aspects of my life. Jesus died for me, the whole self and I'm called to give my life to Him, again my whole self. Never just moments or when I am of work. So, if I cant find time to serve in church now when I'm unmarried, I wont have time to serve Him when I'm married.
How then do I pray? I think one needs to be clear with the fact Jesus died for our sins and our very being. God's salvation plan is perfect and it covers all aspects of our lives. To understand that we are no masters of our own, we need to remember the story of Ruth and Boaz. When Boaz became Ruth kinsmen-redeember, she became his wife, not just a partimer. And I think in praying for our future-husbands, rather than praying a specific person to be "him", we should pray for that person. I've got a few things in my mind that perhaps I should concentrate on these.

1. Pray for his salvation. I was reminded recently, although God says we should not be unequally yoked, but our future husband may or may not be saved yet. If he is saved, pray for God's wisdom to be on him.
2. Pray for his desire/visions. Pray for him that he would have God in his mind. What are his thoughts and visions like? Does he seek to please God? Does he have dreams for the local church? Is mission is his mind?
3. Pray for his heart. That he would have a desire to trust and obey God. I think it's very important for my future husband to have a heart to obey God because he has to lead the family. I grew up in a family where my father is always the ultimate decision maker. Although he is not a Christian (yet) but since young, my mother makes it a point to discuss and let my father decides big decisions for our family. Whether if we should move, or if we should buy another house and even how we should renovate our house. My father is the architect and engineer in that respect.
4. Pray for his christian walk/ministry. The ministry he is in, does he bear fruits?

Personally, above all, I trust in God's timing. God is never late and while I'm in waiting, I should be living my life in full surrender and how God would be pleased with. Because it never changes, whether I'm married or not.

Purity

Picked this up from a sermon I heard recently.

The speaker says:
Girls, if you have not given yourself to anyone or if ever you feel pressured by your
peers, tell them this. For me to be like you, one night out there will do it. But for you to be like me, never again."

I havent heard this for a long time. I thought I knew enough about purity and importance of being pure before marriage but it's been so long since such reminder came along.

The book of John

I havent been updating my blog for the longest time ever. Guna told me that I've violated the rule of blog writing, in that I did not write down what comes to my mind quickly but to let the drafts in my dashboard to accumulate. So, I thought I should show more love to my abandoned blog and i'm posting the drafts I've left to idle.

This piece below was written towards the end of last year, after been on BSF for about 8 months.

Today's our sharing day at BSF. We've been doing the study on John for 32 weeks and it's been such a refreshing study. I remember when I first started BSF February this year, I thought, "What have I gotten myself into?" It's a weekly affair and driving down to CBB isnt exactly my idea of starting the week. But I knew I had to pick myself up from where I left off. I have been neglecting my spiritual walk. There were a lot of outward expression but little on the in filling and study on the Word. I wasnt growing, I wasnt getting answers from the Lord and I was dead, literally I guess.

The book of John is one of the best love story in the Bible, where the Lord revealed the love He showed to us through His Son. This is where John 3:16 came from, a mandatory verse to memory since I was a child. The book of John reminded me of how far God would go in loving me, He sent His son to die on the cross. This book also reminded me of the importance of a close relationship with God and how he would give peace. It's not more feelings of calmness but it's an assurance that you have trusting that He would deliver. And this year, during the time when I struggled to look for answer, I had peace. Suddenly, it was clear why things were happening the way they are.

For that, I'm thankful.

Such joy

Post Mulu- It's been 2.5 weeks since. We still talk about Mulu. Never would I had thought how impactful the trip would be in my life. It's really interesting hearing how it has impacted Yee's life as well. Both of us came back humbled, in our ways and at the same time, equaly excited to embark on any such trips in the near future. We were already talking about Sg Rajang and Kapit! I really like Sarawak. Yee told me to listen to an oldie, "I left my heart in San Francisco," and told me that the song suits my current emotions. I thought the song was cheesy! But, I think I did leave part of my heart there.

One of the guys we met in Mulu continues his solo journey to other Asian countries, after Mulu. I'm encouraged by his courage and adventourous spirit of travelling to all these countries with just his back pack and a Lonely Planet guide! That had been my dream type of travel but is also soemthing which I would not have the guts to do. I'm impressed with his humble spirit of exploring new culture and embracing them. Even I was quite taken with the sudden diversity at the long house but I saw such grace in this young man. Quite an interesting character and what joy to meet such.

Onward, I went to break bread with the Senoi people at Tapah last Sunday. It was such a simple meeting in a simple setup. The Senoi people crowded the hall and waited for us to arrive from KL and as soon as we did, we sang songs of praise and it was again such joy to see how they praised God, having little yet much in Spirit. The children, despite having only SS once a month, that's when we come, took the effort to memorise the memory verses and recited them effortlessly. This brought me much shame, having so much and yet taking the exact things for granted. I have many bibles, but make so little effort to read. Oh Lord, please forgive me. The ladies had their own cooking session and men, the fellowship. Some who need medical attention, had their share from Dr Chew.

And yesterday was a joyful day where one of my close friend got engaged in a simple ceremony in her house. This dear sister of mine has finally found her man. Looking back at what she has gone through the past few years, I could seee very clearly how God had led her and eventually worked this union out so beautifully. I think they are such a match and my prayer is that, from this point, only one life goes forth and may it is in accordance to God's will and within His plans.

I trust that God has His plans for me and it will come to past as and when it should according to His plans. For God works for the good of those who love Him and delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Lord, I commit unto You my deepest desires for You alone know what spells my heart and my mind.

Mulu- Done it

I have not been to this part of the world. It all started 6 months ago when we came across a travel blog by a fellow Malaysian on Mulu. She was there 5 years ago. We saw the pictures she took and we got hooked on and decided to email her and see if we could get more information and possibly the contact of the local guide who took them around. With little expectations, we waited for a reply and she did, promptly! And our adventure of planning started.

This trip brought the three of us from Miri-Mulu-Kuala Litut-Camp 5-Pinnacles-Headhunters' trail-Kuala Terikan-Sg Mendalam Longhouse-Medamit-Limbang-Brunei-Miri. It was an amazing adventourous journey. I personally didnt know what to expect. I've been to camps, slept in tents, done 3/4 of Mount KK, occasional hikes and I thought, "Well, just how difficult walking in the rainforest and climbing Pinnacles would be?" Ha! I was not quite right. We walked an average of 10 km per day, in Mulu National Parks, to Camp 5 and on the HH trail. I have never sweated so much in my life. Drops of sweats just dripped onto my clothes and i get drenched sooner than I thought! We backpacked and therefore, we carried our own bags throughout the trip.

Mulu's an amazing place. It's tucked away in the heart of Sarawak, near to Brunei and it's home to many beautiful caves. Deer Caves, Langs Cave, Clearwater Cave, Wind cave and many many more underground ones. They are still exploring and discovering more and more underground caves! How amazing is that. My personal favourite is the Deer and Clearwater. The Deer Cave got its name from the deers who used to roam in the cave to drink the water that flows through the cave. Deers, being mammals need salt to survive and the guanos from the bats that fall into the flowing rivers provided just that. However, as more deer get hunted down for their meat by the locals, deer eventually move out of the place.

Deer cave has a special ecological system where bats hang above (Millions of them) and some glittering bugs feeding on their guano, digesting and bacterias survive in the cave etc. We were not allowed to flash our torch towards the ceiling, in case if we scare the bats away and bats are not blind! Whatever they taught us in science class. I grew up thinking that bats are blind and therefore they need to emit sound at certain frequencies and have it bounced around to manoeuver their way around. That's half true. The caves have many formations from acidic rain water and lime stones. There are flowstones, flow curtains, statlagmites etc. And you could let your imaginations run, looking at these formations because they could look like humans to some, octopuses to another. Han (Our guide whom I think we've driven crazy) gave up on me because there was a formation that looks like a man and a woman but I could see nothing of those. My friends went like, "Yea, here's the man and here's the woman." I was blind.

After these caves, we went to the bats observatory, hoping to catch the bat exodus again. We've seen it the evening before, thanks to a quick wise decision by my friend. It rained that evening and the bats decided not to get wet and for that night, they would feed on their guano. Slighty disaapointed, we made our way back to our homestay, just right outside the National Park. The next morning, we went to Batu Bungan, a village for the Penans. It was heart-wrenching seeing the way they live. Comparing to our livestyles here in KL, these people live is utter simplicity and might be backwards to some. What happen to the state that was supposed to be the richest because of its abundant natural resources? Wealth doesnt seem to be shared across and many more are living in dilapidated state. We lingered a while more at the village, waiting for another group that was to join us that day. Turned out that only 1 came and 4 others will only come in in the evening. So, the four of us, set out to the river and visited the Clearwater and Wind caves.

Clearwater was quite majestic looking inside. It used to have water flowing through it. Water has somehow receeded slightly and you could see the water lines on the wall and ceiling. It must have been an undergound cave where sea/river pass through but as the tectonic plates move, it gets pushed upwards and became above ground. It was cool inside. We saw photo kast as well, where the bacterias that rest on the stones needed the sun for synthesis and it's as if that the stones are growing towards the sun! Pretty amazing. We stopped for lunch and there was a pool right outside the cave. Was tempted to jump in for a swin but decided to give it a pass, having thought of wet sticky clothes. Andy, an Englishman from Ascot, dived in. Ascot was the place where I had the privellege to spend a weekend with a local family 4 years ago when I was in England. Andy was hoping that the host I was with was his neighbour but ha, it wasnt the case.

We continued on, arriving at Kuala Litut and walked 8.5 km to Camp 5. Leeches were everywhere. I had one at the back of my thigh. Bloody creatures. And Andy had none. I concluded that the secret was to have long legs and a speedy walk and Andy added that having hairy legs helped form part of the protection as well. Okay, I take that.

Having walked for 2.5 hours, we arrived at Camp 5. Amenities were basic but I was very impressed with the cleanliness of the toilets! Way much better that the R&Rs along the highways in Peninsular. We had our dinner and Maxwell, one of our guides cooked for us. He cooked well. We had a good dinner! After some pep talk on what to expect on the Pinnacles the next day, we went to bed. Well, technically none of us could sleep because one started a night orchestra and I was up practically the whole night. And it was cold. I thought it would be warm in the forest at night, and therefore, did not bring any long trousers, smartly.

We got up at 5 ish the next morning and feeling more tired than the night before. I wondered how would I do the Pinnacles. But thankfully, the lack of sleep wasnt my main problem. The hike up was difficult and the descend was tortourous. I ended up taking 5 hours up and 8 hours down. Not something that I was proud of but it was such an experience. The limestones were huge and slippery and I ended up descending the way I ascended! And it was too much for my back. Nonetheless, the view at Low Peak was beautiful and thankfully worth the climb! By the time it got dark (It gets dark by 6 pm there), we had another 500 m more to go downwards and another guide came to our rescue. And when I reached Camp 5, there was a line of concerned fellow campers who got worried when I didnt get back in time. Ha..what a scene. And I think I became famous that night. People started asking if I was okay and ha..That night was also a great night where we mingled with our fellow campers and it was warm.

Afterall, travelling is about making friends to me and much more than going from Point A to Point B. It's about meeting people and getting to know their lives and being touched by theirs. I thought the three of us clicked quite well. Despite it being the first trip with SM, she's fun and occacionally blur. Haha..And Yee, as always, the big sister of the pack. It must have been strange to some for 3 girls in different stages of their lives, clicking so well. But as I always said, it's good company!

I never regretted persevering the hike although at many times, I thought of giving up but it's always when you push yourself to the your maximum capability that you truly reap the fruits of your perseverence. In this case, it was a test against a tired body and determined mind. I remember on the way up, another fellow hiker and I got talking and he said he never liked hiking and hiking is the dumbest thing ever. And when I reach the peak, he asked me if I regretted it, and to my surprise, I said no.

Back to Camp 5 and shifted dorm for the night. The next day, after breakfast, we bid goodbye to Han and move on on the HH trail, a 11.3 km walk to Kuala Terikan. Leeches were all over again. I had two fat ones on my thigh, just right above my knees again. And my shorts was soaked in my own blood. I didnt realise that leeches have anti-coagulants that they inject onto the wound to keep the blood flowing. I ended up bleeding until I reached the longhouse.

Having reached Sg Mendalam Longhouse, we got ushered to our pintu. It has 16 pintu and each house a family and they are all related to each other. Thought I could catch some sleep before the all night long celebration but it was too noisy outside. I got talking to the locals and made some friends. Found out that most of them are Catholics. I think the Penghulu got evangelised to and quantity wise, many became Christians but it would be most awesome if that is a true conversion and being reflected in their lives. I cant tell for sure but now I have another item on my prayer list, that's for these Ibans/Tabuns. God loves all and all shall be saved if they confessed with their mouths. That night's dinner at the longhouse was the best I had in Sarawak. We had umbut chicken, bamboo pork and chicken, paku vege, bamboo shoots etc. The ingredients were simple but it was very flavourish. Managed to catch an hour of nap and we got dragged out of bed by 10 pm. Joined in the thanksgiving prayers and the celebration of Gawai begins. Before the food indulgence, there were the tree and dance! We were supposed to circle the tree and get our hands on the goodies that were hung on it, till it gets exhausted. Then, they unveiled the "trunk" which was wrapped with clothes and there were more tuak in it. The Penghulu served us with tuak and we had bout 2 or 3 glasses each. Having heard how high the alcohol contents are in these, I tried refraining from taking too much. Then, more food and more dances. They passed around this hat and if it landed on yours, you are supposed to get up and danced to the tune. They tried on mine, but ha, I was too shy to dance in front of hundreds of people. Hat passed on and we saw some of our fellow campers letting loose and moved to the beat. It was quite cool. I felt myself getting groggy and decided to call it a night. While the music continue to blast throough the night and more stamps on the ground, I slept.

The next day, I was getting a bit heavy hearted to leave. Although it was just a day, I really like the place. The evening before when we took a stroll near the river, I looked around and I saw this majestic picture of serenity and calmness. Andy quipped, " I really love this place". I nodded in agreement. They were simple people, most accomodative and this trip changed my perspective to life a bit. Though I was glad to be back and having my car to drive around, I couldnt help but reminisced the 6 days I had in Sarawak. I realised that, people in the city get bogged by many irrelevant minor issues that we think are huge when we are already blessed with so much. Here in Mulu and the long house, they only have electricity from 6 pm to 10 pm, powered by the genset. They shower in cold water, pumped from either the river or from the hills nearby. We had to have our heater on before we shower.

This trip has taught me a lesson of contentment. It got me thinking a lot about church and my family as well. I suddenly realised that I have so much to pray for. The salvation of these people, of my family. I suddenly realised that I've been taking my family for granted. Lord, I pray that I'll have the chance to appreciate and honour them in my life. I also realised that I've not been using my life to do the things that mean more. But I cant get my head round it just yet. More quiet moments to pray, I reckon.

Oh, the morning before we were due to leave, one of the guides who got drunk the night before and that morning itself, came to me and this was roughly what we spoke about.

G: Irene, I nampak you can take care of people.
I: ..Err,..okay (Eyebrow raised)
G: Kalau ada bujang-bujang di sini mau kahwin, you mau tinggal di sini?
I: (Shocked)..Huh? Tak Nak!
G: Bukanlah, ada banyak bujang-bujang di sini. Kalau mau kahwin, mau tinggal?
I: Tak Nak

He repeated and I said no, obviously and proceeded to leave. He freaked me out. I told my mum when I got back, she got really concerned and I wondered if she would let me go Sarawak again. haha.

Some pictures from the trip. Hopefully they paint clearer pictures that what was described above.

Garden Of Eden. View from Deer Cave.

Boat rides. No crocs!

One for the camera!

Painstaking climb

Picture of exhaustion

Up finally-All smiles


At the Long house

With the Iban girls

Sg Lembing !

I thought I needed a break from work. A friend suggested going to Kuantan and Sg Lembing for a weekend. I jumped at the chance and off we went. We left after Sunday service and drove to Kuantan. I havent driven on this stretch of roads but it was adventurous to try! It was quite a pleasant drive along KL-Karak highway, not too windy. We reached Kuantan at about 2.30 pm and headed straight for the curry mee at Teluk Cempedak. Because it was a Sunday, there were many families at the beach, strolling and playing water. As I sat under a tree with wind blowing to my face, I thought what a beautiful scene I'm seeing here. The waters were blue, the sky was clear. So cantik. We took a stroll down the beach and saw such beautiful scenes. Reminded me a lot of what God says in Genesis where He said,"Let the waters be separated from the dry. The waters shall be called sea and the dry land".

We continued driving to Sg Lembing for roughly another hour. It's a very small, quaint town. We started exploring around, on car and on foot. We found a nice homestay and decided to put up the night there. It wasnt too expensive to get a room. We paid RM 80 for an air-conditioned room and because it was a Sunday night, there werent other guests around. So we had the whole house to ourselves! We decided to explore the town a bit more on foot, having gauged our bearings during the drive earlier. We crossed the river via hanging bridges, like the ones below. Sg Lembing is unique in the sense that some houses are separated from the town by a river. And people built hanging bridges to cross to get to the town. It's very easy to walk around and it's relatively safe too.

Sg Lembing used to a tin mining town. It has the world largest sub-terrain mine underground. It's quite amazing reading the facts outside the museum. We came to one of the deserted tin facotry, and we couldnt make out what we were seeing. We saw an uncle cycling past and out of plain curiosity, we halted him and began asking him the background of the factory. It turned out that he used to an ex-miner working at the same factory 20 years ago. As he re-tell the story, you could sense the pride in him, being a worker and part of the development of the town. The Sultan of Pahang, then, signed a 100 years concession agreeement with PCCL, giving them full access to mine from this place, and in return an increment of 1cent per year. 1 cent per year?!

In exchange of that, the town grew and become posperous. Many more ang mohs came and you could still see big bungalows up hill and surrounding the place, apparently homes of the managers and senior employees. There was also a cinema and club houses. We went in to the museum as well and walked through the tunnel of history, detailing the past activities and the growth of the town.

On Monday morning, we woke up early and started our hike up Sg Lembing hill at 6 am. It took us approximately 45 mins to reach the peak and we waited for the sunrise. It was spectacular! I have never seen such beautiful sun rise! The whole sky evolved in such majestic colours, from dark grey borrowing lights from the stars to the breaking of dawn and stripes of yellow-orange tore the sky and out emerged the yolk! It was most awesome. As I stood in awe, I couldnt help but praised my Almighty God. Who else could design such magnificence?

We hung out a bit more at the peak and at about 7.30, we made our descend. And guess what we saw? The entire town was covered in mist! We were like walking down through the clouds. It was beautiful. I'm running out of adjectives to use here. Pictures paint a thousand words. Enjoy the pictures below.

After breakfast and a final attempt to eat tofu (Apparently famous in Lembing), we found out that tofu are not delivered on Mondays by suppliers because they usually do a lot more on weekends to cater the tourists and rest on Mondays. Bummers! A reminder, the roast pork is also only available on Saturdays. We missed that as well. After a hearty breakfast, we decided to leave and stopped by Karak for a late lunch. It was durian puffs and they were expensive! Our most expensive meal for the trip. Oh, the dinner we had at Lembing, it cost us only RM 19, for 3 of us. I dont remember spending so little for dinner. And it wasnt too bad a dinner. We had tomato noodles, kao yoke, vegetables and canned drinks. We tried doing the maths again and again but it just doesnt add up. Haha..

Hanging bridge

River half-dried up

We walked into this as we descended Bukit Lembing. How cool is that!

Bina ayat

Being in Teens has brought much thrill and warmth to my heart. It's been a year and half now since I last started teaching in Teens. It's been exciting and nothing mundane. We have just started our tuition class in effort to help the kids with their language, Bahasa particularly. Last Saturday, I gave them words to bina ayat from. The words were:
1) Bertopeng
2) Menyalak
3) Dibakar

Here's what one of the kids wrote

1) Saya bertopeng kerana saya ada H1N1. ( Ookay..fair enough)
2) Anjing saya menyalak saya kerana saya ada H1N1 ( Haha..)
3) Saya dibakar kerana saya ada H1N1 (...)

That's fun for me.

Hong Kong was awesome

Was in Hong Kong some days ago for Karman's wedding. Had an anwesome time meeting up with uni mates and going around the island. Such privellege to be able to break bread with the brethren in Onn Fook Gospel Hall as well. Everything was in Cantonese and I thought the language was so beautiful, especially when bible verses were read out in that language.

Much has really happened these few months. I often started off with loads in my head to share but as soon as these fingers hit the keyboard, the thoughts in my head suddenly seem too menial to be recorded. But one thing I must really thank God for was the privillege to experience His mercy in finance. I have heard a message before on how to trust God in finances and God will never owe or rob His people. Therefore we should give more to our Lord. In this age of grace, I don't believe that tithes still apply but often it's the giving of more than tithes that's difficult. I decided to trust God in this matter and tried giving more. Often in months, I would have enough to survive. And lately God has blessed me even more with a little adjustment in salary and it actually matched what I've given. I am thrilled.

Another thanksgiving item was in the area of service. I have often thought that I would never fit in any ministries in church. Or so I thought. But last Watchnight service, my heart moved when I heard that Teens needed more sisters. I thought..let's give it a shot. Mei Sun approached me and I thought it wouldnt hurt much to just observe. Soo Aun mentioned countless times that since I'm observing, I am not obligated for anything. 2 months have passed and I couldnt believed how much I've enjoyed being with this group. During one of the chats with Wenli, she pointed out that we would enjoy our service if God willed us to be there. It would not be a drag if it's really the area that God has intended for us. After YA, I had much difficulties finding my place in the assembly and I struggled much to fit in. It's only when I prayed for God to take full control of this life that things begin to fall into places. And indeed, God kept to His promises. Now, I enjoy prayer meetings, Teens and Sundays much more than before.

I now need to resume the bible readings with Wenli. And hey, if you're reading this, let's get this started once again.

And with the boys, I enjoyed being with them so much. This is the age where they still have much innocence and purity and yet exploring the teenage qualities. I still see them crying one moment after losing a game and standing up for another friend the next. I absolutely love them! And my prayer for now is that If God willed to use me further with this group, use me Lord.

As of matters of the heart, I've decided that I shall just chill it. God has provided much opportunities for interaction. Uncle spoke on marriages today in church. And he mentioned that marrriage is intended for partnerships. Eve was created as a helper for Adam. They formed a partnership to keep the garden and the animals. Sin came in and spoilt it all. Therefore, my outlook to this matter should be of a pertnership as well. I do not know how God will work in this area but if You will, I will continue to wait. There are just too many what ifs.
The last time Darsh came back, we had opportunities to talk about this too. And we decided that indeed that unless God willed, things will not work out no matter how dreamlike and probable things are in our human eyes. And our God specializes in heart keeping.

Meanwhile, as much as this heart decides to move on, God seem to be closing doors of outside opportunities. Maybe You want me to stay on Lord. But if You really do, make my stay in this company somehting worthwhile. Perhaps, it's CF. Perhaps it's other matters.

Song in my head

This song kept playing in my head.

In the image of God, we were made long ago,
with the purpose divine, here his glory to show;
But we failed Him one day, and like sheep went astray,
thinking not of the cost, we His likeness had lost.
But from eternity, God had in mind,
the work of Calvary, the lost to find;
From His heaven so broad, Christ came down earth to trod,
so that men might live again in the image of God.

Now that I have believed, and the Saviour received,
now that I from the guilt, of my sins am relieved,
I will live for my Lord, counting no gain nor loss,
but for love thinking of, what His likeness has caused
I'll never comprehend, redemption's plan,
how Christ could condescend, to die for me;
Such a Saviour I'll praise, till the end of my days,
as I upward, onward climb, in the image of God

God has been impressing this hymn upon my heart for quite a few days now.

Redenmption's plan is something I could not understand. Why God would send His Son? But this I hope to do, to live my life worthy of His name, in my words, conducts and thoughts.

Lord, it's my prayer that this desire continues to grow nd burn like the candle which never goes out.

Stereotype and humility

Some additional thoughts.


I had dinner with two lovely sisters yesterday night. We reminisced bout the past, we shared bout our experiences after having to work for some time now, we share bout our passion and gossips. But one thing that kept me extremely thankful is that none of us has changed. We still share the same dreams of seeing God to work wonders in our lives. We still continue to pray for God to work among us, we longed to see more people being raised and more workers to be raised. We long to see a revival in our church, in our homes, in our work places and in our country.

Along the way, a sister pointed out that unknowingly we were taught to stereotype. We paused and thought. She was right. I remember in my conversations with my colleagues on life partners. I said that he must not be a smoker. They all jumped at my statement and claimed that smoking is a habit and like other habits, can be changed and improved. The Bible teaches us to love the sinner but hate the sin but here I am judging even the person. And even when I join other assembly's camps, I tend to see them in a different light. I was judging them in the way they read or sing. Oh God, please forgive me for my sins. I'm at not position to judge and there's no reason for me to think that I'm in anyway higher than anyone else. God, You alone deserve the praise and glory.

It's really important to keep our feet on the ground and be humble at all times. Lord, be my guard.

My God is good

The past few weeks have been different and a fresh breath to my almost-becoming-mundane life. It has just been about work , a little of church, friends and family. The pace of life was so quick for the past months that I lost track of a lot of things. I was quickly ushered in into a new project even before my previous project ended. Life was speeding past me and I couldn’t catch up.

Timely, however, it’s the month of August, the month of camps. I believe this is timely because it wouldn’t be if not for God. I went for a bible conference where speakers like Peter Ferry and Shawn Abigail spoke. It drew many stares for the fact that I’m going for this conference instead of my annual family camp, held on a adjacent-yet-not-so-adjacent hill. Some gave me blunt-beyond-shocked faces punctuated with many whys. Having decided, I went ahead. It was a great conference. Peter Ferry spoke on Malachi and Shawn Abigail on Dispensationalism. If you think dispensationalism is a higher learning, you are deadly wrong. In fact, it is very fundamental and in my opinion, crucial to all believers. Dispensation talk about stewardship and how God dealt with people of and at different periods. There are dispensation of innocence, conscience, human government, promise, law, grace and kingdom. It is an orderly arrangement, administration and interaction between God and His people.

Dispensation of innocence begun in the Garden of Eden where God told Adam and Eve not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Innocent and all they need to do was to obey and Adam was given authority to rule over all the earth. But they failed to obey and just when they sinned, they realized they were naked. Then, dispensation of conscience begins. After being driven out of the garden, they had to feed themselves. And despite having conscience to distinguish between right and wrong, man still sin. Cain murdered Abel. People thought they could reach heavens if they unite, hence the tower of Babel and many other instances. Man still sin. Their conscience is marred. Then, they wanted ruler to be over them, hence the dispensation of human government. But despite having human leaders, man fails to obey too. God then promised Abraham that He would through him, bring forth many descendants. This is the dispensation of promise. But Abram didn’t believe and had Ishmael with his maid servant. Man fails yet again. God then brings forth the dispensation of law. Man had to obey 613 laws and needless to say, they fail. Then it was the dispensation of grace, This is the period that we are living in. God sent His Son to die on the cross for us and by His grace, we are saved. But man still do not believe God. The bible speaks of the return of Christ by which the dispensation of millennium will begin. The bible also speak of the failure of man to believe for many will be cast into the lake of fire. In each dispensation however, God still gets the glory.

The reason why I say this is fundamental is because it really is and it helps you understand why God treats people differently at different times. I find it really helpful and now I’m being able to see the bible in a different light. I always thought that the OT has nothing to do with me, all the more when the church is not Israel and Israel is not the church. But now I see why it’s this way. God deals with His people differently at different time. You would see how gracious our God is in each period and how sinful man is. God truly gets the glory in the end because He’s God. I always thought that God would definitely get the glory because, well, He’s the main player and He does what He wants but now I understand the sovereignty of God. He just deserves and He gets the glory ultimately because man is useless. We cannot outbeat or out wit God. Soli Deo Gloria! To God alone be the glory! Amen!

I didn’t intend it to be a message but I felt the need to explain because it would really be good if all of us understand this truth. To read more, go to Shawn Abigail’s website at brethrenonline.org. He has many writings there. Apart from the enlightening messages, conference was good because you get to meet people from different assemblies. It’s good to make friends. Though I went alone and many thought it was weird, I survived it and I met some really wonderful people who loves the Lord and are passionate for His work. I am looking forward to next year’s already. It would be excellent and beneficial for everyone, especially the youth in our assembly to attend. Healthy exposure.

Then, last weekend, I was at another camp. This time round, it was a youth camp for students up to young working adults. It was another refreshing camp. I didn’t have much of a cultural shock and it was acceptable. There, I see something which I longed to see within my assembly. I see out poured passion for God. There was so much energy and I believe God could use these passionate and energetic youth for His work. It wasn’t the hype or spur of the moment, though I would say intense repetition of verses and choruses are not necessary but it’s impactful. It has been my prayer lately that God will raise more and more people for His work. More workers to go out and bring people into the church. For His people to love Him more, so much that it overspills and non-Christians testify to that testimony and be saved. My heart aches seeing my unsaved family and friends at different juncture of my life. My heart aches when I see the condition of our country. As grateful as I am that I’m in a country that doesn’t discriminate against Christians, I longed to see more souls being saved. And I see such love and passion at the camp. I remember someone said that we are so heavy in knowledge that we lacked the doing. We failed to allow God to work or to use us for Him. Because we don’t trust in our hearts though we do by head, we deny God in displaying His mighty power.

And the recent Passion conference I went to, it brought a grim reminder that greater things are yet to come and greater things are still to be done in this city. There’s so much work more to do, within or outside our assembly. I remember I gave up in my service with the youth because I didn’t see myself contributing to them. Now thinking back, maybe it wasn’t the area for me. How Lord can I be used? I want to see changes. I want to see your people being passionate for you. I want to see the spirit of sharing being manifested in church.

Would you use me, Lord?

My prayer is this, that this desire to serve and to make a change for our God will not die of with time. And my fellow friends, there are so much more to do for our God. Let’s strife harder.

Hosea and Gomer

Don’t know what He sees in me
He is spirit, he is free
And I, the wife of adultery
Gomer is my name
Simply more than I can see
How he keeps on forgiving me
How he keeps his sanity
Hosea, you’re a fool


CHORUS:

A fool to love someone like me
A fool to suffer silently
But sometimes through your eyes I seeI’d rather be a fool
The fondness of a father
The passion of a child
The tenderness of a loving friend
An understanding smile
All of this and so much moreYou’ve lavished on a faithless whore
I’ve never known love like this before
Hosea, you’re a fool


CHORUS


This God of yours would not have told
To lift a love that you couldn’t hold
And though time and time again
I fleeI’m always glad to see you coming after me
Simply more than I can see
How he keeps on forgiving me
The wife of adultery
And Gomer is my name

I was thinking

This is a serious attempt to revive this blog. Haha..It's been dead for some months now. Darsh told me she gave up reading my blog because I never update it. My only excuse is that I've had my hands full on other things, work, family, church...Soemtimes, after working for a good 10 hours, you wouldnt want to face the computer anymore when you reach home.
Anyway..Much has happened during these absence. I've had my prayers answered, there were breakthroughs in my family, some major accident nearly wreaked my family apart, insight to the reality of human evil-ness, power of tongues and weakness of the heart when it comes to emotions. I've also experienced the goodness of our Lord..Man..it's been wonderful.
To start off, work hasnt been very interesting. To a point, it's becoming draggy. I was once very sure that this is where God wants me to be and with Him leading me here, I'm prepared to stay to learn but I am not sure till when. I need to revive my spiritual life as well, I need to pick up on reading the bible every night.
My family was involved in a major accident last Saturday. They were coming down from Ipoh and soon, it began to rain and puddles of water were on the road. Needless to say, they skidded on the road, hit the divider and turned and spinned before landing on the emergency lane. Thankfully, God has really been gracious to this family. They all escaped unhurt. With no visible serious injuries. Went for check-ups and thank God that they did not sustain any internal injuries as well. It's really my prayer and I hope it would be yours aswell even as you read this that it would be an opening to a soul searching experience for each one of them as they pass from that valley of death. God has truly held each one of them closely and that none were lost. Havent had the opportunity to see the wreakage and could only imagined. But mum said it was really bad.
Side tracked, had a sleepover in my house that day with a few close friends. Been so long since we caught up. And it was so good to hear from them. One related matters of the heart and as exciting as it sounds to me, it also dawns upon me the reality of temptations and how weak our body can be. It's undeniably true that feelings can be very over powering. Especially when you've been showered with so much attention. This dear sister pointed out one bit," Non-believers accept me better than Christian brothers."
I paused and thought, that was very true. It's such a shame that we who belong to the family of God feel unbelonged within our family. With no fingers pointing anywhere, it's good for us to pause and think. I was brought up in a way where unequally yoked relationships will never work. I dont deny that there are some successful ones where one partner eventually embraced Christ and both grew very strongly. But there must be a reason why God put that verse in Corinthians to remind us not to be unequally yoked. Since I came out to work, my circle of friends are mostly non-believers. It's been a real blessing having these friends around. We clicked well, we enjoyed doing things together. We shared stories, experiences, gossips..With the guys in the group being attached (which helped greatly because it would mean totally out of the consideration), I couldnt help but thought that they guys are really more interesting people. Comparing with the guys I see in church. Perhaps it was different up bringing, family background. There's this sense of maturity that I dont find among the already scared population of eligible males in church.
Thankfully however, I have a group of wonderful and close cliques of girlfriends who stand by the same principles as me. God say." Do not be unequally yoked." Therefore, I shall no be unequally yoked. I trust that God would honour this obedience as He has honoured so many before. As for this sister, it is truly my prayer that you would seek His will above all and as you strive to obey Him, He would honour you in return.We just need to stand by faith and with each other in this case (which I have no doubt we would stand by each other)
Breakthroughs in my family. My parents finally went to listen to a chinese testimony and gospel in a church in KL. I had always wondered how would God speak to my dad and indeed, He has opened a door just yet, in His perfect timing! I pray and hope that God would continually working miracles within this family and that we would all come to the knowledge of His saving grace.

-Untitled-

My HOE invited me to a fellowship lunch, held every Friday on the floor above mine for all Dialog christian employees. The aim was to recognise the christians around, have fellowship together and to encourage and remind each other of our roles in lives as followers of Christ despite the busy-ness in at work. It was for good course of course. I went and sat down in a circle. As the clock strikes one, more and more people came in through that far corner door into the room. I know most who came in but I did not know they too were believers. Just as I sat on that chair and looked around me, a sense of sadness overwhelmed me. I was shamefully reminded of my outburst and constant complaining and "cursing" at some who came in because of indifference at work. I was also shamefully reminded of the strife we had because of indifference. And as we sang and he played the guitar, I stared in shameful awe. Standing beside me, playing the guitar and leading the singspiration was the man whom I earlier conflicted with. And I thought, what hipocrisy. As I judged this man, I was brought to a reminder that God too is judging me. I had also sinned the same sins. I prayed that God would realign my actions and thoughts at work that as I professed that I am your follower, let me be truly a practising believer. I prayed that God will radiate His love to the people within this building through ugly vessels like me and that I would always be mindful of my actions less I shame that One who died for my sins in Calvary. I am looking forward to more fellowship meetings like this. God has indeed been mindful of me.

Another event in life took place three days ago. Father of a good sister of mine has passed on. Apart from feeling extremely shocked and saddened, I was also shaken. And it brought to mind, how wonderful it is that God has called me. But it also brought about grim reminder of what ifs any of my family members die without knowing God. What if anything happen to them and they leave without me telling them bout the God I believe in. Why am I afraid and shameful to tell them bout my God? I wished I had more courage. God, I pray that You would also bring to them the saving knowledge of yours. I pray that they wont go until they hear about You. God, please have mercy on them.

We need to be prayerful. As life sweeps us away in busy-ness, what is the real meaning of life?

As I review my thoughts and outlooks of life, what exactly does life mean? I find my previous views of studies, relationships, work all shattered. I find myself being detached more from my fellow friends from church. I find it easier to walk away than to make efforts to carry out conversations. I find my the breath of my life being sucked out slowly and unrecognisably. I find the room around me squeezed another inch or two smaller.

What is happening?

Just got me thinking

I was browsing through some pages of some of my closest friends. I was looking at their uploaded photographs and some updates about themselves. Suddenly, I realised that I'm not in any of those. Which brought me to think that what sort of friend have I been? I mean, what kind of friends would there be if you're not even in their ongoing events in their lives.

I wonder why...

There are of course many school of thoughts with regards to this. Some say that being friends doesnt mean being with them 24/7. They would have events with other people in their lives too. Some suggest that perhaps we aren't that "friend-ful" either. But what about people whom you do not see often, but that freshness remains each time you meet up. Or what about those who have the best conversation when just seated silently together. Or those whom you just meet in meetings in church? What sort of friends would those be?

Just got me thinking.

I suspect I'm running into "some dunno-what's-the-name-psycological conditions".

Un-weighing the weights

It is weighing me down.

Lord, please lighten it.

I do not want a stronger body or a steadier head above this frail shoulders.

I wish for You to hold me tighter, keeping me close by Yourself, within Your cleft.

Stressful Rest, Restful Peace

First year into work, I took 5 days leaves in a row! It drew quite a few raised eyebrows in the office. Couldnt care less though. Was off to Langkawi with classmates from Notts Uni and then off to church camp in Camerons. That week was a crazy week. It had been so stressful and ..erm...stressful. Haha..

I could only finish the important and urgent pieces of exercise late in the evening on my last day at work prior to holidays. Then off I ventured into a whole week of driving, travelling, adventure and ended with quietening of the heart at the blissful Camerons.

Having a friend over from Zhongshan, a few of us drove up to Langkawi. Stayed by the beach and this dear friend was worried if tsunami would come and sweep us away into the sea when dawn comes. Haha...Perfectly understandable I guess when you just left the typhoons behind in your country!

Ate much, tried much local food, ventured deep into the villages in search of cheaper seafood and authentic cuisine, we werent disappointed. Started off in KL, then to Ipoh, Langkawi, Bukit Tambun...wow..we all should have more similar road trips!

After that was off to Camerons. The track up to Camerons never fails to set my stomach spinning and push the liquid in my eardrums off balance. Was glad to say I kept the digested food inside my stomach and not out onto John's car. This camp was really a very refreshing one. The messages were plain and clear and they hit me right in the heart. I was struggling in the beginning to get into the mood of camp bacause I have been so worried bout work. I didnt realise how much work has eaten into my life until that point. I cant believe it myself. The first two days were great struggle. The messages werent getting through and I was not listening. I prayed and when they finally got through, I broke down and cried. Emotionally distressed and more tears, God was listening.

God saw through my heart and I was comforted that He knew what were bothering me. Truly, matters of the heart are always most tangled. No wonder it says in Ecclesiates that let not our hearts be aroused until it is ready. God, may you guard our hearts and emotions until it's time.
As more episodes enfold, I pray that may we be kept close to our Lord and every corners of our hearts be searched that God may truly be our first love and to remain as our first even after earthly attachments.

Crumpled sheet

I wonder if juice comes out from a crumpled sheet of paper. If it does, I wonder what it tastes like. Would it be sour? Or would it be sweet? Would the paper scream? Could that piece of crumpled sheet ever be un-crumpled again?

Some thoughts

It's been so long since I last blogged. What a shame. Haha..
Much has happened during the last 2/3 months. I think I am settling in better into the company. Have perhaps lost some of the fire along the way. Perhaps I am also getting accustomed to the way how my company operates.
Been quite an interesting period. I cant believe that I have been working for 6 months now! How time flies. I went from a super blur, worried, scared freshie from university to a slightly more stable, less scared, more smiley leng mui.
Haha..Everyone treats me like a budak. I dun quite mind it actually because with this, comes lower expectations as well. I'm free-er to ask questions, people are more forgiving, though they also trust you less. That's the dillemma I guess. In a period where you want to prove yourself, it's also the period where people trusts you less. Ironic..

Fei has also started working, been 5 months for her now. And Loon too! Two weeks eh? So quick. And Darsh is graduating this year, Wen Li has one more year to go, Laikuan two more...
And oh, Tonghow's graduated too! And Pei yee as well...How quick...

Been quite a lot of emotional and social adjustments..When I at YA, it doesnt quite feel the same now, not only because I am a staff now but also because ..well..my batch's no longer there. The same who started off with me in YP, the gang of FIVE. And I am all about work now. Every single conversation I strike with anyone would be centered to my work. I was just talking to MeiSun the other day and we both realised just how much work-ish has our lives become. I became very intrigued with people's character's in the office...I became more whinny and complain when things get stuck..It just seems like I have so much to tell about my work, the office, and the people in it. And oh, even more, when it seems as if certain people are just there with missions to annoy you. How I wish I could lock them in a closet and push then down a slope. (Children, if you are 18 and below, do not do this at home!)

I love talking about my boss, my bigger boss, my other bosses (So many eh?)..Little matters in the office became juicy bits of gossip. I enjoy running about in the office, attending meetings because it makes me feel I'm busy and important (Silly me, of course!). I enjoy striking conversations with people, especially the elderly. My colleagues told me that I have this somehting with old men! ahah..Ask Loon, she knows why.

But I have also learnt to be thankful to the Lord. I didnt realise how precious God's protection on the road is until I met with an accident last month. I didnt realise how blessed it is to have family until the times when I get so upset at work and my family's just there to listen to my whinning. Who else would take so much interest in your work?! I didnt realise how precious close collegues are until I have eat breakfast alone on some mornings when they went down to site. I didnt realise how wonderful it is to have close friends when with just one phone call, they are there out at the mamak waiting for you to meet up and just talk! Girls need to talk..It's some sort of a therapy for us. Haha..

It just so weird and amazing how distinctly God created us. I was in a very weird conversation with my boss when he actually said men are different, they dun talk. Haha..I laughed out. It's partially true but he has been talking a lot with me..So, he's partial man? Haha..

Work's been fine I guess..(Oh no, here I go again).
Looking forward to meeting Tonghow when he comes back. And Matthew who's coming to visit us in KL. He's a close uni friend from China.

And the family camp coming up in August! From 19-23 August 2007. (Peiling, free publicity here)

Cant wait to go..

Meanwhile, Off to Bukit Kiara now to climb hills..