Best University Year Ever

Year 2006 is undeniably my best university year ever. I thank the Lord for bringing me here in His beautiful time. I remember feeling disappointed when I was not able to go to Sheffield after my first year. I lamented and grumbled. Looking back, I was foolish. Now, I would not trade this year in Notts with anything.


Although it was difficult to get adjusted in the beginning, it helped greatly when you have friends here with you. I came with a group of friends who transfered together from the Malaysian campus. It was a blast. This one year here, I got to know so many of them better and have indeed found true friends. They have been very kind and accomodative to me, always listening and lending an extra hand. Thank you all. Special thanks to residents of Claude Street, Number 3, Highfield Road Number 28, Windsor St Number 88 and Broadgate Park.

I'm forever grateful for Meira, Robin and Peyying. Living under one roof with you three can be quite a challenge some times but I'm thankful that it wasnt anyone else. I'm sure the Lord brought us together for a reason and I'm very glad that we've had a good year together. Thank you for putting up with my weird mood swings and demanding requests at times. You three have been amazing and the special bond we share, I trust will only continue to grow. Despite some unnecessary rows between us, I hope they'll come to fade and I'm looking forward to keeping in touch even back home. It's really amazing how well we understood each other despite that brief one year here. I've come to learnt that morphing into each other isnt an option, it's a process that happens naturally when we get too close. Haha..

I've also grown to be quite attached to the family that lives down road at Number 9. It's amazing that we all just clicked so well. The chemistry and understanding we had was quite remarkable. Despite some personalities clashes, we grew to become more than friends, more like a family now. The dinners, barbeque, trips and group study we had together was wonderful. I'm really thankful that we found solace and comfort and support from each other. Matt, Mic, Kar Man and Gordon, you were all amazing friends. We left a piece of ourselves in each other. I'm not sure when will we meet again but I trust that that day will come eventually. Any invitation cards, please send to Kajang, Malaysia! I'm looking forward to seeing you all in KL next year, after uncle's graduation!My best year ever.....Thank you Lord.

Graduation

July 14 marks one of the most important days of my life, to date at least. My graduation day. I graduated from University of Nottingham with a Bachelor (Honours) in Chemical Engineering. How does that sound? Haha...Pride aside.

I dont really know what kind of impact was that special day supposed to impart on me. But I know what it means to my parents and family. To mum and dad, it was probably the day they longed to see for years. I wasnt the first to graduate in the family but I'm sure it brings about different feelings each time when one of us graduate. For me, it spelled hardwork and loads of money to send me here. At that particular moment when my name was called, I went numb for a moment. As I walked (stomped, according to my sister) across the stage to shake hands with the Chancellor, all I had in mind was to walk properly and watched my gown to prevent tripping over and make myself the biggest joke in the ceremony. As I hold the certificate in my hands and read the combinations of letters spilled across the paper, I thought to myself, "Is this it?"

In my seat, I read the certificate again and again, took Yanni's and read hers over and over again. What does this mean? Then suddenly, it finally dawned upon me that all my hardwork for the past three years is spelled in those words, "This is to certify that Oy Ling Look has completed ......with a Second Division, Upper Class"














Overall, it was a good day. I could see that mum and dad were proud of me, I know to a certain extend the sacrifice they made to bring me here. I wished my whole family were here. As I showed Ge the cert, I wished Jie was here too. They have been my role models and I want them to know that. The unspoken support they gave were overwhelming. I have kept the tradition and followed the path. I wanted to show both Ling and Yen that they too can be where we are now. It is definitely achievable. I know the silent pressure they felt to perform and I'm sorry they were succumb to such unnecessary pressure.

One day, I'm going to frame up all our certificates and hang them up in the living room. I know that day will come.

Blessing

This picture is taken in some abandoned rail station in Peak District. They are some of the friends I made since coming. Ever thankful for each of them.

Streak continues

The aimless streak continues. It feels weird getting up every morning and not having class to attend. It feels even weirder not having notes to read. All of a sudden, I'm not sure what I was supposed to do. The past week saw me being busy playing in the sunshine and going places. The Saturday right after my disastrous oral exams, we went to Peak District, a hilly area roughly an hour drive away from Nottingham. We went to Castleton, a nice green hilly area. We climbed up the hills and had picnic halfway up the hill. It was the only flat ground we found. It was quite an interesting trip, having to rescue a friend of mine who managed to climb uphill but not downhill! It was so hilarious. We took an underground boat ride into the underground caves. For a moment, I thought I was going to die from being claustrophobic! We continue driving up and down the hills, played frisbee, chased sheep and more driving back to Notts. The next few days, we played captain ball and frisbee near the lake. I have not played captain ball for ages and how I miss those days when we played in YP. Aww....

I have a friend here who's excellent in baking. He taught me to bake tiramisu. It was so delicious! I foresee that more baking will follow suit in the next couple of days. It was really quite a lot of fun baking and eating, though not the fattening part.

Results was released yesterday. God was gracious and blessed me with a 2.1. I am now officially a Chemical Engineering graduate! Wow..how does that sound? I was very pleased with my design project. I got a first for that! It's really amazing, even after that disastrous oral exams. Looking back at how we laboured for it, it was a bitter sweet experience. The hours we spent in the lab, the sleepless nights we had, they are all rewarding experience. To many, a second upper may not be the best. To a certain extend, it wasnt for me too. But this one year being here have taught me something more precious. I would never forget what this dear friend of mine have taught me. Although the results are important, the process that you go through is far more precious. I have to agree with her. She has taught me that the experience that you obtained from working hard is incomparable with the grades that you might get. I love the way she views matter, always so optimistic and objective. Friends like these are rare and they dont come by often. Thank you Lord for her.

Hmnn..I now need a summer job.

Aimless

There's this Malay song that I used to sing back in YP years ago. " Ada waktunya berkerja, ada waktunya berencana, ada waktu bersenang dan waktu bercanda, Tapi waktu itu singkat dan keabadian itu panjang, waktu sekarang takkan berulang." I've always enjoyed singing the song because it often speaks well of the situation that I am in. Truly, there's time for everything. Time to rest, time to play, time to work and these times will not be repeated. They come and go.
I recently read a post of a friend who has finally decided to transfer campus, leave and continue in another place. It was a difficult decision for her, but having to make that, it was even more dificult to pack up and leave. This reminded me of me, here in Notts. I have grown to love this place dearly, a huge part of it was because of the wonderful folks I met here.

Today marks the last day of my examinations. I have now completed my degree. Phew..How does it feel? Nothing really. I have a friend who said that his life has become so aimless now. What do we do now? Haha...Another friend put it this way, "I'm feeling empty, lonely and cold" How true....Yesterday saw us pushing through whatever we could still remember into our brains and staying up till wee hours to study. And after that 9 o'clock paper today, everything was supposed to come to an end, well, except for the oral exams this friday..anyway, a weird feeling swept through me. What do I do now?

Patience and EQ

I was told that the longer you know a person, the lower your EQ is towards that person. I didnt give much thought to such deep philosophical philosophy. After all, why do we need to scrutinise friendship to levels like this? Why cant we just be natural?

Recently, however, I saw that truth revealing itself in me. I realise that I am getting short tempered to closer friends and surprisingly more tolerant to new friends. I find myself losing patience quicker. I snapped at them easily and would often seemed as targetting at them. Like a angry lioness ready to pounce at her victims. Why is this happening? No, it is not the effect of any pre or post menstrual syndrome that is often blamed for weird mood swings in any girls. I begin to realise how annoying this can be. A friend told me today that it seemed that I can no longer take crap or lame jokes. I just snapped at her when she said something during dinner.

But I didnt just snap at her. I just thought that if indeed you have done something not right, why cant you just admit it? Why is there a need to beat round the bush and to act cool? I mean, why? Why cant things be simpler? You are right if you are and if you are not, just admit you're wrong. There arent ways to un-wrong soemhting. There might be ways to patch wrong things up but it is still a mistake. It's not that someone else is waiting for you to make mistake and then pounce at you. What is so difficult in admitting you are wrong?! I really dont understand and it irritates me. And it annoys me even more because the table is turned as it was as if that I am the calculative one. Why? It's just some plain dumb situation, for goodness sake!

I thought I had to be more gracious to people around me. There must be a reason why patience is included in the fruit of the Spirit in the Bible. The Lord must have seen this coming. People do tend to lose patience with people closer with them. Should closer friends not know better? Should they not know what closer friends prefer? I thought it's a universally understood understanding! However, if they are, grace and patience would not exist in this world. If the Lord were to employ the same attitude towards me, I would be dead a thousand times. That's the beauty of grace. It allows time for understanding and acceptance. It is patient and not fussy. It is beautiful and that is what that makes it so precious. Our Lord is good indeed.

I just have to learn to practise more patience.......

Wrong, Wronger, Wrongest

As known, I'm now in the midst of my exams. It hasnt been easy but I'm thankful that He has brought me through the first two papers. I just had one this morning. Though it wasnt good but the peace I had in my heart was overwhelming. Truly, when He bestows peace, it is real peace that you get. The past few days saw me studying till wee hours in the morning, together with friends. Needless to say, group study is highly effective and works perfectly well for me. With this comes opportunities of interaction and bonding with friends. Studying with him was a good experience. I was a leech actively at work. He, needless to say, was 'happily' obliging. No, that's a wrong word to use. He's helpful, to put it blantly.

Exams period is also a period when the true self emerges. Things that one says during frustration is not desirable for playback. I was caught in one of those moments, being highly irritated because my brain cells chose to dry up during that moments and refused to absorb anything that I read. I complained how wrong the situation was. It was as if that everything that happened was a mistake. I doubted loudly if this course is right or if they are just mistakes. I regrettably flashed out these nonsensical statements. I was caught in more tangled spider wed when he commented this. " So, you are saying that being here is a mistake?" I stupidly nodded. " Meaning, God made a mistake by putting you here?" I was caught off guard. "Err.." It suddenly occured to me that I have made a very dumb statement. How could I said that? I wished I had explained further but again, I stupidly flashed him the annoyed look. Oh man, my testimony just gone bad.

I have had conversations regarding these with him prior to this incident. I would really wished that he'll keep what he has heard. He was very unconvinced and I even doubted if he could ever be saved. But today, a dear friend proved to me that God can still work wonders as He did years ago. It was her father. He too came to know the Lord some years ago and have kept the faith. I often thought fathers are probably the most difficult beings in the world that can come soft and listen the gospel. I was so wrong. Her dad changed so much after his conversion. What's more encouraging is that he's always making sure that his daughter remains faithful to the Lord as well. He gives her advises and corrects her whenever she's not doing right before the Lord. How encouraging. There's hope for my father too. I really cannot imagined a day that he changed and get saved. No matter how many times I told myself that GOd is able, I still cant see that coming and I'm not doing anything. If God could bring Pharoah to his knees, what cant God do? I have to keep praying.

Meanwhile, on a more disturbed note, I watched Da Vinci Code just now. It is highly not recommended, not because of the quality but the message it potrayed. I have always loved Tom Hanks but the message of the show is too much for me. It was so jumbled up! The myth and truth of Jesus is all mixed up! I cant believe what I hear. The writer speculated issues of the grail and thwarted the whole Lord's Supper. All was explained from the painting of the Da Vinci's Last Supper. Somehow, there's another remaining descendant from the line of Jesus. Oh man, I couldnt bring myself to write more. Such crap!

The wrecked-up lifestyle

I'm finally breathing normally again. The past few weeks have been crazy, a huge part was because of my own laziness and procrastination for not doing my design project consistently. The remaining reasons was the project itself. It's such a huge project and it carries so much weightage! I just cant believe how lop-sided the weightage is. It stressed so much on the individual part which revolves just around one freaking equipment! I find it so unbelievable.

Oh anyway..the whole project was handed in on Tuesday and the remaining summary on friday. I'm really finally breathing properly again. I am eating and sleeping properly too. My normal lifestyle is finally resumed.

It has been a good experience. I love the group that I was in. I'm ever thankful for my mates. Despite some minute unpleasant happenings at the end, it was all right. I love working with yanni so much. She's such an incredible friend. Besides being extra intelligent and brainful, she has taught me much. I learnt what generousity is. I learnt what maturity is. I learnt what kindness really is. It reaffirms my coming over here. God indeed is mindful over me. He knew exactly what will happen and He brought me over here for a reason. I often thought, if He has sent me to Sheffield instead, how would it be like? I didnt have to consider that. What's happening here is far too good. I wouldnt trade this experience here for anything else..Anything at all.

Thank you Lord.

Talking about design project. My life was thrown off course for the last two weeks. Everything just went upside down. Tornado came and swept my room, forming swirls of papers around my seat. I had to tip toe in my room. Clothes piled up. My body system was messed up. I didnt have time to eat. I couldnt sleep. I was zombified for the last few days. My brain slowed down. My retardedness surfaced. Meira just couldnt stop teasing me. She just couldnt stand talking to me because she has to repeat everything she says. There came to a point that jokes turns dry because I just couldnt get it. Everything slowed down though somehow I felt that time did hop faster.

Despite all the slowness, something else sped up. I got closer to many of my coursemates. The process which would usually take ages suddenly sped up. Interaction opportunities doubled, tripled. You would, I guess if you spend long period in the lab typing furiously, trying to complete the never-ending work. You share the anxiety, the worries, the grumbles, the unrest, the tiredness, the crankiness..all..Nothing could be traded for these, not with a million dollars..Looking back, it was a period worth going through for. Nothing can beat that.

I would miss these times when I return home. I would miss them. I would probably miss my lack-of-sleep ness and everything else that comes with it. I would miss the walking-back-at-four-am-thing. I would miss the wrecked-up-lifestyle, the wrecked-up appetite, the wrecked-up sleeping hours.

I really would...

Big Bang?!

A few of us went to see our friends' mock presentation today. They wanted us to sit in and give comments about their presentantion, which we were more than happy to do. After the presentation, as usual, we lingered in the lecture hall. And the topic of our belief came up spontaneously. And those left in the room were believers, except for one. He's one of the few friends I made since coming. A very nice chap nonetheless, ever amiable and extremely helpful.

And often, the idea of big bang came about and since all of us are reading chemical engineering, we tried to be scientific about this. It is highly recommended only if you know both the Bible and science well, which is not in my case. The idea of big bang stresses on how the universe became what it was from that huge explosion years ago. Standing from where I stood, it wasnt possible. It clashes with the second law of thermodynamics. The idea of big bang starts from the idea where all things became so dense that it forms only a point. It was from this point that things burst out. However, the second law of thermodynamics says that things tend to disperse. The idea of entropy comes in. You see, it's apparent in the nature of things around us, even in humans. Imagine this, when you are in a crowded room, you tend to move away from the crowd, you tend to disperse. So, if by the nature of things, if they do not even tend to stick together, how is it possible that all things densed up to become a point? Someone said that the idea of big bang correlates with the Bible. Where is that?

We went on talking about Moses parting the Red Sea and how evidence are now being found in the archeology field of the remains of the chariots under the sea. And Noah's ark came into our topics as well. There's a school of thoughts that chinese words stem from the incidents mentioned in the Bible. The word boat for example. One of us begged to differ. He claimed that chinese characters originates from pictograms in the ancient days. And it's not right to argue from the current characters we have today. He is simply unconvinced, standing his grounds. We all turned silent and thought if it's possible for the same idea to be incorporated in pictograms before going through transformations in character writing.

Our conclusion was soemwhat this; That the idea of big bang and God creating human and the universe are just two different school of beliefs. In fact, as people put it, different religions.
He brought up another point which kept me thinking. He ask if it make a difference if we all pray so much. My inner self was shouting "YES!" But I restrained and thought again. Maybe he's not seeing it because I have not been living rightly. What happened to my living testimony? I had failed terribly.

It was good discussing this and hearing from them their ideas of the beginning of the world, even more from him because he thinks from the scientific view points. He commented that could God be out of control because there is simply just a huge boom of humans on Earth. Could God have expected us to be what we are? Or are we too much to handle by God? God said in His word that His thoughts are higher and they are not ours. How great is that! Truly, how could we ever grasp God's mind? To Him, wisdom of the world is foolishness to Him.

And oh, please correct me if I am wrong.

Summer fling

A weird conversation took place during dinner today. We were talking about flings and why girls do it. My friend said she would want a summer fling for just two months with no commitment whatsoever and then breaking up at the end of it. It was outrrageous! How can someone have such thoughts? It was even more outrageous coming out from her!

Why do people get hooked up on flings? No guarantees, no commitments and just pure fun for a short period of time. I dont understand such thoughts and desires. Why flings? Why let yourself through such turmoil of emotions without the intention to carry on? What happens after that? She suggested that a clear agreement is made at the beginning before anything begins. Each understands and accepts the conditions that there's no strings attached at the end of the relationship. Then what?

How can someone even think of such ideas? Call me conservative or whatever, I'm just not getting it. Another friend said I should loosen up a little and be open. Open to what? These? I rather be shut in forever! These are such selfish thoughts and lustful. To satisfy yourself and be happy when you have nothing to do and leave the relationship when something else comes up. How?

I'm not getting it.

Revival

A friend popped this question at me today. "Do you think that this place is spiritually dead?" I was taken aback. I asked for explanation. He related the lack of enthusiasm, passion for the things of the Lord and undignified worship. People do not care going to church and that personal relationship with the Lord seem so distant. Christianity here is just like any other religion and the absence of a personal walk with the Lord is apparent. I wondered why he said that.

You know the incident in the bible where the Lord cursed a fig tree and it died? Jesus said that since it did not bear fruits, it should go. Which brought to mind that if we have a personal walk with the Lord, our lives will show. Our actions and words can tell. Others can see the joy in us even without us telling them. I often forget to reflect. I go on living the way I thought it should be lived. How wrong is thay? Or how correct is that? My housemate told me that I speak like her now and that I'm getting lamer. Haha. Am I? Perhaps. She could see me better than I see myself. It was either a piece of truth from her observation or she was just annoying me.

But I did realise that I speak differently here. The tongue seems to flex easier and with that came a lot of unnecessary words. I sometimes used words that I never use at home. I comment more. I complain more. We gossiped more. Ironically, I read the Bible less. I'm less gracious. My conduct probably praise the Lord less. This isnt right. Where is the "more of Him and less of me?"

Lord, I need help.

My friend went on saying that he wants to see revival. Because of my background, I understand the word revival very little. What does he mean? I pressed for details. He wants to see people being more passionate for Christ. But what happens after the revival? People slump back into their original conditions. I have this idea in mind. Is revival a some sort of climax that you reach where everyone go all out for the Lord? What happens next? Do we then go down the valley of natural conditions? And then what? Another climax?

What if we get ourselves right before the Lord and live lives right? Develop that personal relationship with the Lord. The word worship in its original language means to kiss on the cheeks. This is a very personal greeting. To kiss the Lord on His cheeks would mean having a very personal and ongoing and growing relationship with Him. Just as we make new friends, we move from normal handshake to hugs (Where applicable!) . So, we move from being normal friends to closer ones. It's a very poor analogy but it explains. So..how do we worship the Lord? The Bible recommends this, "In Spirit and in Truth."

In Spirit would mean to have the Holy Spirit living in us, which would bring us to the fact that we have to first believe in Him, accept Him as our Saviour before anything else can begin. Just as we have to know a person before being friends. And from there, the friendship develops.

And to develop a friendship, we have to communicate with them, make time and get to know them. How do we get to know our Lord? The bible. He left that for us so that we can read about Him and getting to know Him. Both are different. I can know about a person and not knowing him. Haha..as weird as this sounds, it's true. I have friends who tell me about their friends. Because of this, I know their existance and about them but not knowing them because we havent met and introduced to each other.

But practically speaking, how do we go about in this? The words in the Bible should be practical enough. We should encourage each other to read the Bible more and growth begins automatically. However, He prepared different paths for each of us. Which make each of our relationship with Him so personal and unique. Which also sadly explains how come we cant understand and help each other out during trials because we are not in each other shoes. But we can uphold each other in prayer. What better support can we give? It would be good to really remember each other in prayers. The Lord and He answers. He may take a longer time but He never shuts His ears.

Loosening up

"Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit."
Ephesians 5:18

I often wondered why was this verse included in the bible because the Spirit dwells in us when we first believed and is the stamp of our deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. In that case, how do we be filled with the Spirit? Is that not already in us? In that case, could this verse mean our living styles? Live as if we have the Spirit in us, which means living holy lives. Lives that are pleasing to our Lord.

I looked up in the dictionary what debauchery means. This is what I found. Webster Dictionary gives this interesting meaning of "debauchery".

-Excessive indulgence of the appetites; especially, excessive indulgence of lust; intemperance; sensuality; habitual lewdness.

I've never seen a drunkard before. I often wondered what goes through his mind. Is he conscious? Does he realised what he's doing? I wouldnt want to try it myself. It'll be Hell let loose. But during the Lady Trent Ball, a friend of mine gave me this opportunity to witness a drunkard so graciously. I didnt know what made him drink so much or so quickly. Just right after meals, he was already floaty. He somehow kept clinging on the wall for support and start mumbling to himself. I thought he was just upset. Soon, he was on the floor doing back flips which he failed and fell heavily on the floor. Fortunately it was carpetted.

We got worried and wanted to get him home. Oh man, it was so difficult to get him to sit still. He was all over the place. He began mumbling. He was fortunate enough to have a large group of guys surrounding him and holding him in case he rushes out to the road and get killed! He began telling secrets of the universe and giving warnings that the moon is coming. The guys were kind enough to entertain him. It was so difficult to get him to sleep because he kept vomitting. Cabs came by him and wouldnt take him in case if he vomits in the car.

As I watched him fumbling and mumbling about that night, I see a very different person. I thought I saw the child in him. He was less protective and was more open up. The only regret I had that night was why didnt I ask for his pin number? He would have given me willingly, I'm sure! I see a friend loosening up. No worries on his face, he was all vulnerable. Perhaps that is why the Bible reminded us to be filled with the Spirit and not wine. He had bits of memories here and there about that night. He remembered blue shades and a red toy car. The child in him emerged that night when he saw a red toy car. He refused to let that go and hung on to it till he fell asleep.

I wondered what would have happened if it was a girl who got tipsy and drunk. A person becomes very vulnerable when she is drunk. What would she do? That was probably why girls should never go drinking by themselves. Anything could happen. Such is the power of alcohol.

Make ups and what nots

When God created us, He made us in his image. We were prefect and untainted with sin..well, at least until Adam sinned. It's interesting to note that He didnt make us with make ups. (Like duh..!) In that case, why oh why do girls bother to go through so much hassle with make ups and what nots on their faces and hair?! It really baffles me. I do not need reminding that I'm not made a male but still, if God actually thinks that we are beautiful with make ups, He would obviously made us with them, wouldnt He?

With such opening, it's obvious why. There's a Lady Trent Ball coming up this Saturday for all Chemical Engineering Student in a hotel in city. As of today, everyone was pretty geared up for the event. The amount of time we spent walking around city in search of a suitable dress and shawl was too embarassing to tell. It's simply ridiculous. And we obviously envy the guys who need not go through as much hassle as the ladies. All they really need was just a suit or a tux, and then matched with a bow tie or just tie. How difficult can that be? A little too biased perhaps....

The hair setting, make ups, shoes, dresses, shawls...oh man, I could easily collapse under the heaps of worries for these. All for that three-hours-perhaps of dinner..Oh yeah, not forgetting the days where you starve yourself and cross your finger hoping that that bump on your stomach would keep a low profile if not disappearing all together. The hair plucking and make up trials to see which colour of eye shadow suits your dress, the foundation colours, the what nots and all others...All these preparations lead to a climax of appearing in front of other coursemates in the galore of dresses and accesories you have to assesorize yourself. The amount of time and money spent of these is simply ridiculous. I heartfully believe that if those amount of time is spent instead on my design project, I would really be more progressive and productive!

Now, how worthwhile is that? Which brought to mind the temporal nature of so many things on earth. Why are we so concerned for such temporal and superficial matters? To blend in, perhaps. You wouldnt want to stick out like a sore thumb in the dinner, you want to be presentable, you want to blend in..Looking at this matter from a different perspective. Being a follower of Him is the same. When everyone blends in with everyone, they believe what the world believes. They dont want to be different because by being dfferent, they would stick out like a sore thumb in the crowd. But, by blending in, they are losing out in the highly divine privellege that is only offered by our Lord.

The gift of salvation! The bible clearly states that in this, there is no Jews or Gentiles, circumcised or uncircumcised, all is the same in His eyes. Everyone's entitled to this gift. The price that comes with it is a different matter all together, but would definitely be worth paying for!

But the ball did go very well. I had a spectacular time there, enjoying every moment of it, from the time we got into the cab and heads to the venue to the random-pulling of people for photo shots, the dinner wasnt all that great but the dance that came after was enjoyable. I see some rigid classmates loosening up on the dance floor though drinking was another option with the same effects. It was hilarious but enjoyable seeing everyone dancing. Before long, everyone was on the dance floor and showing off what they've got, even yours truly who hasnt got any! But all in all, the private function went really well.

Bottoms up, everyone!

Royal Ascot

I was in Ascot, Berkshire last weekend. I took part in HOST and a lovely family, the Hosegood invited me over for a weekend in their home. I knew little about Ascot except that it home the famous horse racing tracks and that's where the Queen goes occasionally for royal horse racing. The first signboard that greeted me when I reached Ascot train station is "Royal Ascot". Now, how royal can it be?

That greeting was a tip at the iceberg of how posh and royal Ascot really is. I soon reached the Hosegood's residence. It was a lovely bungalow with huge space around it. The house, needless to say, is humongous. I was getting excited and imagined how wonderful the weekend was going to be. That kind family that invited me over was a small family, consisted of Neville and Ceppy and three lovely children, Theo John, Esther Elizabeth and Lydia Charlotte.

The kids were very well-mannered, friendly with strangers and fun to be with. I had a good time mingling among them. What struck me was the way how conversation was carried out in the house. English people are really a very well mannered lot. It was just the way they were brought up. They treated me like one of their own and living like the English was quite an experience although it was only for a weekend.They brought me out to Winchester, the former capital of England and Windsor. I had a good look around Eton too.

The only thing I knew about the Hosegood prior to my arrival was that they are Christians. I was nonetheless excited and was really looking forward to a English-Christian-family lifestyle. How different it turned out to be. They attend the Anglican church, the church of England. If you learn your history well, you'll remember the bits on bishops and parish. I knew very little on this. I was thrown off course initially because of my lask of understanding on the organisation and roles of bishops on each parish and the whole complicated matter that comes in the package with it. Apparently, their stands were very different from what I hold on to. Not the bits on the life and death and resurraction of Christ. That we believe and are convinced that He indeed died and rose for us. It was the part of women leadership and headship. (I knew the countless times I discussed this with my fellow brethren in church and school!) And yes, we went right into that just hours after arriving. It was a session of sharing and comparing views. We both showed verses from the Bible from which our stands stand. It was a lively session of discussion. The conclusion was rather an anti-climax one. We agreed that as long as our core belief is in the Lord, everything else may not weigh that heavily. Although I beg to differ, but I did not press on. Ceppy stressed on the part of suppression of women roles in church. That very thought had once crossed my mind too years ago. But I am very convinced that both man and woman are created differently with distinct functions. Just as the the church is made up of many parts, not one part can function well without the other. Therefore, the roles of women are equally important although different and in silence.

I wasnt sure if I brought that point across clearly but perhaps there was really a reason that I was invited by this family. This arrangement was not coincidental, I' m sure. It was probably for me to see the other group of believers. I suppose, I came back with a better understanding of how a country is divided into parishes and that each parish is headed by a bishop and a whole hierarchy of positions. Apart from this seemingly organised order, there is a whole lot of complications, especially when bishops stand in between God and you.

But oh well....I'm sure answers will come one day....

Empowered by God

The sad, traumatic incident I wrote in my last entry was probably not as horrifying as I first imagined. Last week in church, Mr Reed posted an email written by Fiona, the poor young lady who was raped by the ruthless men in Gambia. In her letter, she wrote of both her and baby Elizabeth's current condition. They are doing fine. Elizabeth was born 2 months prematurely but despite complications, she is coping well. Enclosed in the letter was a picture of Fiona with Elizabeth in her arms. The tone of the letter was amazingly serene. There was not an anguish or avenging tone in that letter. I'm amzed at the peace that surrounds Fiona. Truly, the peace of the Lord transcends all understanding. I know not how it happens but Fiona is an excellent example that it is truly possible and NOTHING is impossible with our Lord. Fiona's husband, Dave is returning to Gambia next week and Fiona intends to go back to the mission field soon too.

I know not how Dave is coping with the pain but the power of the Lord is more persuasive than any individual's grudge. My prayer is that both Dave and Fiona might have the strength to complete the unfinished work they set out to do in Gambia and I pray for little Elizabeth to grow up healthily and strongly as she comes to know our Lord as her personal Saviour.

I'm wondering how would Fiona explain if Elizabeth would ever ask. I couldnt even imagine the complications that might ensue. Perhaps there would come a day when the answers to all these questions are no longer needed or important.

Blessing in Disguise

Last week at church, while giving out the announcements for the week, Ron reported briefly of the missinary work carried out in Africa. He told of this couple who faced much prosecution in the land that they were serving. When he mentioned prosecution, all I thought was probably just ignorance or turning on a deaf ear. But there was more to that, much to my own ignorance and shallow understanding of the word prosecution.

The wife was gang raped by five men from which one resulted in pregnancy. Her husband was beaten up mercilessly by these ruthless men. I froze in my seat when I heard that. It has just never crosssed my mind that it would be this dangerous. I get very emotional when I heard news of rapes, irregardless of whoever it concerns. That is violation, not only to the poor young lady's rights but also to her body which is not reserved for such animals. Then it brought to mind of why have the Lord allowed this? The poor young couple are traumatized. She has recently given birth and had complications. She is now recuperating in hospital.

I could not possibly imagined the turbulent emotions that the young wife is going through. What would she be thinking? If it was me, I would wonder if my decision of preaching in this foreign land was of God's will in the first place? If it was, why has He allowed this? I could probably endured other physical obstacles but rape?! Taking aside the physical torment, the emotional torment is even more unbearable. They have decided to raise the child. That is good news to the child. She would come to know the Lord, she would know of His saving grace because of her parents. That is wonderful news for this little child. Would I go through all that, all for the sake of this child, all for the joy of seeing this young foreign child being saved?

It brought to mind the merciless killings of the five missionary men in the African jungle. The Auca men who killed Jim Elliot and his friends are now open to the gospel, all because of that merciless killing 50 years ago. Back then, the news shocked the world too. People wondered why have the Lord allowed the killing? But now, as we look back, we would be thnakful because He has allowed the killing. If not for that, the Aucas would not have come to know the Lord. So, perhaps, this incident is really a blessing in disguise for the poeple in the land at which they served.

Keeping them in prayers. May the Lord bless them even more as they continue to labour for Him in this foreign land.

Be at rest

I was at Mrs Hilda Reed's funeral today. The mood was understandably sombre and sad. The coffin was pushed in by undertakers and accompanied by Mr Reed and his family. I saw Mr Reed's hand on the side handle bar of the coffin. His eyes has been puffily red for the past weeks. He was very down and seemed even weaker today. His grown up daughters and grandchildren accompanied him.

Unfornately for me, I did not have the opportunity to know Mrs Reed. She was already in the nursing home when I came to Clumberhall. But from the testimonies shared about her, it was clear that she was well loved by the poeple who crossed her path. She was a very kind and hospitable lady. Grace told me that I would have been invited to their homes if not for her sickness. It was really sad that she was stricken by illness and was in that state of unwellness for at least a year. According to Ron, both Jack and her had served the Lord faithfully in the young people's work. Many, many young people have benefitted from their service. Both Jack and her taught in the youth work and were also passionately involved in missionary work.

Halfway through the service, Jack's granddaughter, Helen read out her granny's favourite psalm. It was Psalm 121.

I lift up my eyes to the hill,
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip
He who watches over you will not slumber
Indeed, He who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep
The Lord watches over you
The Lord is your shade at your right hand
The sun will not harm you by day
nor the moon by night
The Lord will keep you from all harm
He will watch over your life
The Lord will watch over your coming and going
Both now and forever more

Indeed, our help comes from the Lord and He will not slumber but keep watch over us. We look up to Him for help but we often forget that He too look down from heaven and watches over us. Such is the relationship with the Lord. For the past few days, I've been praying for that silent assurance that the Lord still cares for me. I have my answer today. Psalm 121. My re-assurance that I'm in good hands came in a loud shout out when Helen read the psalm. Thank you Lord.

Look around you and be distressed
Look inside you and be depressed
Look at Jesus and be at rest

I am very certain that Hilda is with our Lord now and is resting in peace.

Ever, Only, All for Thee

Was revising when Media Player played this song. I stopped what I was doing instantly and for soem reasons took time and listened to the lyrics. Truly, if it's possible, take my life Lord and let it be consecrated to Thee. I really wonder what it means. Looking into the Bible, babies born in the older times, when they reached the age of 8 days old, parents would bring their child to the temple to fulfill some rituals. Take Samuel for example, he was taken to the temple not long after he was born to be consecrated to the Lord. He remained in the temple and served the Lord alongside with priests like Eli. Consecrated, a life wholly lived for Him. How is that accomplished? Take every part of my life and may it be of full use to the Lord. But how? I felt like a hypocrite as I write this because of my disbelief. But truly Lord...how? I often hear people talk bout letting the Lord take control of our lives..teach me Lord. Make me humble enough to listen Lord...

Take my life and let it be,
Consecrated, Lord to Thee
Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love

Take my feet, and let it be
Swift and beautiful for Thee
Take my voice and let me sing
always, only, for my King

Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee
Take my intellect and use
Every power as Thou shalt choose

Take my silver and my gold
Not a mite would I withhold
Take my moments and my days
Let them flow in ceaseless praise

Take my will and make it Thine
It shall no longer be mine
Take my heart, it is Thine own
It shall be Thy royal throne

Take my love, my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet, its treasure store
Take myself, and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee.

Take my silver and my gold..not a mite would I withhold..A lesson for all of us. How often we keep for our use and not giving it to Him..especially in today's world. Everyone works so hard just to earn more to keep more, all for the sake of financial security. But is there really such security in money? The bible says money as the root of all evil. But we need money to survive in this world. Such contrary..Take my will and let it be Thine. Shouldnt it be the other way round? Taking the Lord's will as ours..another easier said than done.

Oh Lord..how Lord? I need that assurance Lord....

Just me and my Lord

I remember when I first started this blog, it was to serve as a reminder to myself to stay quiet before Him. And today, after starting it for a good half a year, I'm wondering if it has served its purpose. Perhaps it has. As I read the entries back, I'm seeing truly how good and gracious has the Lord been to me. From the times of internship to today, being all alone here in the comfort of my own room in Nottingham, I'm forever thankful to Him that knoweth all and giveth what is good.

All of my friends have gone to the city to welcome the new year. I didnt want to join them because I wanted some quiet time. Some could not undertstand why would I want to be alone here when everyone else is in town. I wouldnt blame them. Here am I sitting here, in front of the screen, reflecting the year. Images of happenings this year flashed through my mind. The year started off in a rather undesirable manner, having to study for exams which came after the Christmas break. And zoom...off I went into the year filled with much new adaptations in UNIM. It was all anew for me, from making new friends to settling in and studying. Time went passed me quickly and soon I have a new group of friends and things in university went on pretty well. Then came the long deisred 3 months break of summer holidays. I landed myself with an internship with Trident, earning my first income, which was soon used up for the Redang trip. I had a credit in my own account even before my first paycheck was cashed in! Haha...

It wasnt a period of rest as I had hoped for, but rather a time of tasting the working life. I had learnt so much during this period, working under Clara ( my lovely supervisor!). Then as the second month come knocking at my door, I suddenly realised how routine has everything become. I was not only bored, I became boring myself! I felt so cut off from my circle of companions. I hardly see my family because I come back late from work and I became so tired that I just knocked out on most nights! This was usually the period where I get to meet up with my friends who were also very busy at other times of the year. But I didnt get to do much of that this year. Stress became more intense when I had to prepare to come over. So much to do and pack. I only started packing on the last week before I left, which is highly not recommended unless you can take extreme stress.

Then came the day that I was to leave for England. It was a highly emotional day. Free flow of tears, anyone? I find it so difficult to hug my parents and siblings. It was so difficult to break away. Oh man, the journey to England was rather a quiet one. Was excited but that excitement was coupled with so much uncertainties and unneecessary worry (Now that I look back!). A new semester here at Notts began and soon came the lab reports and assignments which caught me offguard completely. I was having so much difficulties coping that I just wanna give up. That period of stress was so intense that pushed me to such limits that only He could provide the solace and comfort. I'm thankful that that period has finally come to past. I really am.

So, looking back, what have I gained and lost?

Weight is one! Haha..Nah, seriously, I come to realise and appreciate my family and friends better. I look forward to calling them and hearing their voices. I look forward to web sessions, where I could hear the excitement in my father's voice on how I'm getting along here and how voice transfers over the internet! He picked up pretty quickly too. Soon, he became more tech savvy than I am, buying webcams and digital cameras! Haha...I had the priceless privellege of being at the Lord's table with the folks here in Clumberhall on every Sunday morning. The privellege of being the youngest and receiving so much love from them. Oh man, how I love them! I have gained new friends from different parts of the world. Hongkies, Chinese , just to name a few. I cant believe how nice and helpful they can be despite the fact we came in in third year.

Things that I've lost? Hmnn...I cant quite think of any. My gains have definitely outweighed the lost. Thank you Lord for that. As for my relationship with my dear Lord, I think I have come to love Him more. He's more real in my life now and I look forward to knowing Him more. That shall begin tonight, here in my room, just me and my Lord.

Information Centre Point

Imagine this. You're in England and your friends are scattered all around the world. Some back home, some in Melbourne and New Zealand and Singapore. Each of them tells you stories on how they have been. How the Lord has been gracious to them. Some surprised you with news of their attachment with someone while others update you constantly with their gushes and crushes.

And there, here am I in England, the centrepoint where information is being exchanged. It's like being at a information counter with headphones and microphones on. Tit tit..a call is coming in. It's from down under.

A dear friend from Melbourne shared her her bit of story with me. I'm taking it as an attachment though she claims that they are not official yet. But her story is amazing. Her special friend is from Norway. Both were studying in the same uni although they are in different courses. But somehow their paths crossed and as they get to know each other better, it was clear that it was God's leading. She went through an agonizing period of waiting and was even more uncertain when he left for home upon completing his course. I could not imagine how she would have felt. The distance must have terrorised her. Future would seem bleak. The light at the end of the tunnel would seem diminishing. But God remain gracious. The light remained dim but not out. Recently, she broke a happy news to me that he's coming back to Melbourne for a semester. I smiled when she told me that. God is truly leading

Another call is in queue. This time, it's from back home. This sister's story is even more amazing. I find it hard to believe. They met during a bible conference some years back. He was from the Netherlands. After the conference, they corresponded through emails for two years. Feelings grew but not without confusion. The second time they met again was during a bible camp in Johor. I was there but didnt notice a thing. She too went through a period of waiting and more praying followed suit. She recently related the story to me and all I could say was, "Wow!" I was amazed at how the Lord can being two persons from different backgrounds, culture together. He has proven to me yet again that all things are possible. They recently got attached after confirming with God and each other. I'm really really happy for her. And this dear sister told me soemthing that struck me. She said that sisters should wait in silence. Even all those buds unfolding sessions in church, this was fresh to me. She quoted Ruth 3:18. Although we went through the book of Ruth in church, I didnt realise the connection till she brought it up. In Ruth, Ruth waited at the feet of Boaz during the night and saith not a word to wake Boaz up. She waited in silence. And Boaz, being the gentleman he was, kept his promise and married Ruth in the end.

In today's world, we see the opposite of matters. People not only rush into relationships and ended up being heart-broken, but marred the lines tremendously. I wonder how it was centuries back when guys are more gentle and ladies quieter. It must be interesting to live in those times!

Tit tit..another call from home from a dear sister who relates to me her bit on praying. Nothing is concrete now yet. She's in confusion. But I wish her well. I'm not sure if he was meant for her but now during her waiting and praying period, I really wish her well. I hope it turns out good. But above all, I hope that through this experience of praying, she is drawn closer to our dear Lord. In both earlier instances, they prayed not to be together but to seek His will. That made the difference I suppose. I soemhow felt that we live in a box. God put pathways, hills and valleys in it. He knew where we would end up in the end. But He allowed us to walk our own ways. We will be on the right track if we follow instructions and obey Him. However, whenever we stray or decided to be smart, we more often ended on the wrong road than not. But even so, he gently guided us back to our supposed pathways. How amazing! A friend said that God take His own sweet time and direct us. Truly, a day to Him is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day! But we are assured that He will make sure that His will for us is fulfilled and not return void. Amen to that.

So at the end of the conversations, I guess life is about callings. But callings alone is not good enough. Someone has gottta pick that call up and answer it and do what the Caller says. In this case, I'm supposed to pick up calls and answer them the way the Caller wants it to be. I'm sure I hear some ringing tones soemwhere. Am I picking them up? Pick up..