I'm writing this to share with you my experience with our Lord recently and to remind myself how wonderful the Lord has been to me. This also serves as a note to myself not to give me when things weigh me down and I hope that this is will be an encouragement to all of you.
Perhaps a bit of background. I supposed all of you know that I started off in Sunday school in my current home church. I grew up with bible stories and eventually got saved when I was about 11 years old. Bringing the story froward, I grew up, went to university, graduated with a degree and am employed and have always thought that God's been really good. Things were smooth going for, not many major surprises in my life. This year marks my 6th year being an employee to a company, no longer as a student. I never felt that I was a working adult until recently. And I've been really comfortable, drawing salary monthly, having a good family, wonderful friends and a church to go to and serve. I tagged along with many things in church, certain things i don't agree, some characters I didn't quite like, and I thought I should really just shelve them. I thought it was my problem that I couldn't integrate well with the church etc etc etc.
Slowly, before i know it, I'm losing focus. I forgot what it was like to first love the Lord. I've allowed too many things to come into my life. I tried being a really good worker at work, i obeyed instructions because the bible says I should do all things as unto the Lord. I made many friends at work, many with different perspective to life. I get laughed at when I talked about maintaining purity till I'm married. I also serve at Teens in church, a ministry for children between 9-12 yrs old. But I was getting tired. I even told my leaders that I should quit teaching because I'm feeling that I'm not walking right with God. I miss that prompting of the Holy Spirit but I'm not getting anything. Nothing registers when I read the Bible.
Back in January 2012 when I signed up for the Out Of Comfort Zone (OCZ 2012), i had little expectations although I was really excited to meet ppl from different countries, assemblies. And so, the date drew nearer, 16-19 July 2012 and off I went. That 5 days were real, wonderful and I've not felt so close to the Lord. I thought, let's not get carried away with emotions. When the songs are inviting, maybe it's just emotions. But by the end of the first day, I repented and told God that if He's real, speak to me. I want to hear Him. I don't want to get swept away by emotions. I want the real deal!
And God slowly revealed that I need to first come before Him blameless. He revealed many of my unconfessed sins and I went on my knees and prayed and cried. I didn't even care about the people around me. I had always been very cautious about how I look like when I worshipped but heck, that night, all I want was the Lord's perception of me. Having cried and confessed and confessed, a sister came and prayed for me. She said this,"Lord, bring this sister back to Your focus. She has lost her focus, show her yours.' I was stumped! How did she know? God was speaking right to my heart. I cried even more. That night, I felt something was changing. Dunno what it was but I kept humming, "Change my heart Oh God, make it ever true".
And God slowly revealed that I need to first come before Him blameless. He revealed many of my unconfessed sins and I went on my knees and prayed and cried. I didn't even care about the people around me. I had always been very cautious about how I look like when I worshipped but heck, that night, all I want was the Lord's perception of me. Having cried and confessed and confessed, a sister came and prayed for me. She said this,"Lord, bring this sister back to Your focus. She has lost her focus, show her yours.' I was stumped! How did she know? God was speaking right to my heart. I cried even more. That night, I felt something was changing. Dunno what it was but I kept humming, "Change my heart Oh God, make it ever true".
Second night, the speaker spoke about salvation. He said, "Salvation belongs to God alone! And it is His business to save and not yours. You come when He calls," This has provided me with much comfort because I have always been worried about my family's salvation. Who's going to preach to them if I were to really go away?"
Other worries I had was financial. How does the Lord really provide? And even if I can survive without much, who's gonna provide for my parents?"
And this was how He answered me. Through a sister and a brother. One of the sisters served in Laos and she related to me an incident when she was very sure she had not more than 100 dollars in her account and although she needed that money, she had to remit those to her parents. But when she withdrew the money, she had another 1000 dollars in her account. One of her supporting friends had just remitted some support to her without informing her, at the right time. Another brother who served in Sudan told me this. While he was away, his church has continuously sent cheques to his parents without him knowing and guess what, the church gave his parents the same amount of money that he gives, without him informing the church. Truly, truly, if God cared for the ravens and lilies, will he not care for you?
In both instances, I told them, I don't know how you know, but these were what I needed to hear exactly.
By the 3rd night, It was already clear to me what I needed to do to be ready. It wasn't a question of my capability anymore but my availability and willingness. I am convinced that I need to be in fellowship and prayer and bible study with my church and I should be looking at the bigger picture. We should not be entangled with the worries of the world but to strain forward. By then, I wasn't crying anymore at worship sessions because a sense of relief swept over me, as if telling me that I'm clear before the Lord. Jesus died for my sins, I have all power on earth through Him. What more do I need?
On the last night, when we gathered to prayed for those who are going for a short 10 -21 days term in other countries, it was really encouraging seeing everyone on their knees, praying for the nations they are going to or any nations that they felt a burden for. Not a show, but pure genuity and honesty and such desire to please God as He said in the Great commission.
I came back feeling really refreshed and desire to be faithful to God. The conference made me realized how blessed I am to have a ministry to serve and yet I wanna give that up. I got back and quickly told my leaders that I wanna continue teaching. I would really encourage you to join me in OCZ 2013 and Lord willing, go for a short term with them too. It will lift your eyes to the hills and make you realize what God is really doing everywhere else. Greater things are yet to come and greate r things still to be done.
This is a really long entryl and I hope you are still with me up to this point. Persevering when you can't see results and just keep pushing and praying. We serve a mighty mighty God.
And He is real.
Other worries I had was financial. How does the Lord really provide? And even if I can survive without much, who's gonna provide for my parents?"
And this was how He answered me. Through a sister and a brother. One of the sisters served in Laos and she related to me an incident when she was very sure she had not more than 100 dollars in her account and although she needed that money, she had to remit those to her parents. But when she withdrew the money, she had another 1000 dollars in her account. One of her supporting friends had just remitted some support to her without informing her, at the right time. Another brother who served in Sudan told me this. While he was away, his church has continuously sent cheques to his parents without him knowing and guess what, the church gave his parents the same amount of money that he gives, without him informing the church. Truly, truly, if God cared for the ravens and lilies, will he not care for you?
In both instances, I told them, I don't know how you know, but these were what I needed to hear exactly.
By the 3rd night, It was already clear to me what I needed to do to be ready. It wasn't a question of my capability anymore but my availability and willingness. I am convinced that I need to be in fellowship and prayer and bible study with my church and I should be looking at the bigger picture. We should not be entangled with the worries of the world but to strain forward. By then, I wasn't crying anymore at worship sessions because a sense of relief swept over me, as if telling me that I'm clear before the Lord. Jesus died for my sins, I have all power on earth through Him. What more do I need?
On the last night, when we gathered to prayed for those who are going for a short 10 -21 days term in other countries, it was really encouraging seeing everyone on their knees, praying for the nations they are going to or any nations that they felt a burden for. Not a show, but pure genuity and honesty and such desire to please God as He said in the Great commission.
I came back feeling really refreshed and desire to be faithful to God. The conference made me realized how blessed I am to have a ministry to serve and yet I wanna give that up. I got back and quickly told my leaders that I wanna continue teaching. I would really encourage you to join me in OCZ 2013 and Lord willing, go for a short term with them too. It will lift your eyes to the hills and make you realize what God is really doing everywhere else. Greater things are yet to come and greate r things still to be done.
This is a really long entryl and I hope you are still with me up to this point. Persevering when you can't see results and just keep pushing and praying. We serve a mighty mighty God.
And He is real.
There are 3 candles in the figure above. If you notice, they each have different length. One is the longest, one middle length and the last, being the shortest. They each represent a phase in our lives. When we were younger, we have a longer life ahead of us, and much more wax to burn, hence, the longest candle represents a younger person. The shortest candle represent a person who is older and more seasoned in life. He may not have too long a period to life, hence this candle is the shortest. And the middle length candle represent most of us, where we are in the thriving age of energy and strength, and vision and mission and fire to live and to serve God. But if you notice, each candle burn with the same brightness. The longest candle doesnt burn brighter although it has more wax nor is the shortest candle the dimmest. The lesson is this; that each of us, whichever phase of life we are in, we all burn with the same brightness, if we are lit on. There's no such thing as because I'm younger and know less of God, I shine and contribute less. If you put any of this candle in a dark place, it will light the place up. Therefore, the encouragement is this, whichever phase of life you are in, you would burn equally bright if you are lit on. We should all strive to burn for Christ, sometimes, when we go through a rough patch of life and we feel unworthy, never feel that way because Christ has died for your sins and He has frogiven all our sins. So, in my opinion, to be unworthy of yourself is to deny what Christ has done on the cross.